Sunday, 18 February 2018

My Tuna Fish

Have you ever lived that moment when you are already in the train, and you know you will be late anyway, but you are still worried? The same way you are in my life and I am in a state of vulnerability of losing you. I don’t know how to say this to you, but now I might say this that I have nothing to lose. I have already lost everything. If you are reading this you might already know that I am literally broken from inside. You may not have known this but you affected me deeply to a point where I list myself in loving you. There was a time when I used to see my whole life with you, but you shattered my dreams. I have never given so much to someone or cared so much.

Remember the first time when we met, I was driven by your ambition, discipline and your black kurti and a cute little bindi. Slowly and steadily, I fell for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me or rather us. I don't know why destiny brought us together as we are completely opposite to each other, you are completely a giggly, cute, sundar and good chef kind of a person which you mention always.
I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this. but It’s okay to retreat someone sometimes. Because a creative life is scary as hell. It takes a lot out of us.
But you returned my love with lies. It does not matter how handsome I look for you or what all I have done for you. I never told you but I did received messages and people saying that you are not worth and you are cheating on me. I decided to ignore it and trust you. No other man will give you as much as I did or love you as much as I do.
All I wanted was love, care and affection that I have for you and wanted the same in return. I always wished the best for you. You never appreciated my love, no self esteem left. You are a very practical person, and I do understand, money is important in everyone’s life, but what will you do by earning so much when you will not have anyone to talk too.

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

The Old her Is Slipping Away And That Scares her too much...

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.”Karen Lamb
She was honest, she was only 20 years old and find life hard, she felt like a beginner, she still find herself clueless sometimes, she gets scared and sometimes dread things. But then again she find things are hopeful, she is productive, she is positive and grateful to whatever she have.
She has experienced moments of brilliance when she felt like her work is on fire but then there are also time when she allow things to affect her too much, to drain the life from her chest until it is hollow.

It sometimes feel like losing her foot in the big climb of tree, it is like her grip has slipped.
Writing makes her feel good, as it keeps on reminding her how to stay up, when it seems like things are geared to keep her down.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

It may sometimes feel like you should have started to change your life earlier, when you were a kid or in your early 20’s. Or that you should have been born in those right situations, like to be born with a golden spoon. It may feel like it is too late for you.
I understand that how it feels like when one may not be able to change their life in any way they want. There are real limits in everyone’s life and personal development and that is not magic that can just fix anything easily.

#you already know what to do
May be you know it, it could be your social life of your personal life, your confidence, money or health. Or relax for some days and think about it. Take time to focus on this because if you really want something then it becomes a whole lot easier to keep going. Or let your consciousness guide you, ask yourself what would you like to explore in life.
Always remember it is you and only you that can help yourself.

Thursday, 31 August 2017

One year of Togetherness!

In a Journey, the companion is as important as the destination. In my journey till now, I have been fortunate enough to have the company of some wonderful people, who made the journey seem more worth living. It seems it was just yesterday when I met you for the first time and on the coming days we are completing our one big fat year of togetherness. An year of being, a year of happiness, sadness a year of love, and a year of Memories. And memories that are going to be with me for now to forever.

Delhi, we got committed to each other in September last year. I came to know the city’s likes and dislikes, but still there is something left. Still there is an unending quest to know each other. While every passing day I have seen the love grow and our bond getting stronger. Differences are getting erased. Surely there were times, when this city has hurt me or not lived up to my expectations but that’s how we got to know each other best. I don’t really remember where this year flew but it always seems that it is just a small while of us being together. Sometimes I have looked for reasons of why I love you but I did not find any reason. I figured this out there is no reason of why I love you. I love you because you are you. For the person you are and for how you make me feel when we are together. Its like we are half one completing the other. This is our first year of togetherness and there are many more to come. Which will be definitely filled with beautiful memories and yes lots and lots of love. 

Friday, 18 August 2017

To the love of my life!

I was just sitting idle, thinking about what should I write in my next blog?
Things are very different now, but what is that one thing that has particularly questioned me a lot? Well I am seriously done by emotional blogs, and then suddenly this question reminded me of something.
You guys might think that it is a ka advertisement but trust me it is not. This question comes in the mind of every teenage girl.

I am really a “Snow White (Fairy Tale)” kind of a girl who loves to be in her own fantasy world (but that does not mean I don’t live in present). People who know me can relate to it very well. Right? Chalo Coming straight to the point.
I really don’t know who you are, may be you are the one who smiled at me when I was in a metro, or maybe you the one who stared at me when I was at Tapri (coffee shops are not my cup of Tea). Or may be that best friend of mine I had grown up with. Or may be a random Facebook stranger. You can be anyone, and cherry on the cake is that, it is still a mystery.
Well I have met couple of men who pretended to be like you, which obviously turned out to be bad. And I am pretty sure you must be gone through the same as well. Because my true love is you, and yours is obviously me.
But we haven’t met yet. Or maybe we did a couple of times. You could be the one who tagged me in your Bhakti Posts or you could be the one I broke up last year. May be we know each other but not as how it has to be.
I am really done with the concept of finding you. Vaise Sahi hi hai yaar the more delay you take to find me, more lively and cheerful my life gets. Take your time dear, I am really not in a hurry!!
So better wait for me, or maybe you can choose someone who would completely impersonate as the love of your life, but she isn’t the one you are looking for because that’s me.
But Haan you will have the most amazing + entertaining girl of your life, Trust me on that!


Tuesday, 27 June 2017


A girl with the fabulous smile, best dance moves. A girl with a flawless body and even purer heart. A girl who was Sameer’s Best friend. And the girl who fell in love with Sameer but somehow, could not make him fall in love with her.

Sometimes, Love is not a feeling you force upon yourself or someone, it just happens. Unfortunately, life is not a Mohit Suri’s HalfGirlfriend types movie, love isn’t always reciprocated and it doesn’t always end up happily ever after. We all had to learn this hard truth, you wanted to call him just to see how he is or may be that’s too much. You want to share a good news or bad one or you want to tell him about your day or anything interesting that happened, but may be that’s too much as well.

Well the fact is, Love is not really enough. All those fairytales, all those romantic stories and movies you have ever heard and watched lied up to you. Love is never enough. NEVER!

You all would be lying if you guys have not opted for coffee over tapir ki chai, just because your crush or your guy found tapir tacky.

शायद सही कहा है किसी ने...
रिश्तो की गीली ज़मीन पर अक्सर लोग फिसल जाते है।

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Every Fight Begins with a Fall!!

For many of us it is the moment of adulthood and finally coming to the age of being independent. It is a moment where you define who you are, who you really want to be, the age where you have the whole world in front of you and where the only person who is accountable and responsible for your life is you! Although it is an important milestone in everyone’s life. But many of us we forget one important thing. 
You know what… I think the problem with us “the adults” is that we expect too much and in the end, we get nothing.
She was pumped up as her life was going to begin, adults would treat her better and maybe they would respect who she was and accept the person she wanted to be. The day came and left. Her life moved on. All the expectations fell flat. After some time, she realized the sad reality, She was the same old kid she had always been. She had the same looks, same difficulties, and more struggles. Surely, she had entered the adult world, but there was no magical change from being twenty. Something was missing. As time went on, she began to be more perceptive about the people around her. She grew puzzled with the world around her, she saw people much older than her acting as if either they never been to class 10th or never left class 10th as if they never take life or people around them seriously. 
I am not denying the fact that Good people don’t exist, they do but interspersed among them were so many mediocre characters. She asked herself many times that Is this the person, the adult that she wanted to be? How does she can become something that makes a difference, someone worthy of respect or someone who makes their life worth living.
In real life, age is just a number, and it does not make you grow, it is an experience that counts and matters.
it just requires a change of mind, where we want to take a driver’s seat or want to be a passenger.

Sunday, 9 April 2017

Reality leaves a lot of imagination!

You can’t stop it, you can’t catch it. All you can do is wait…
And hope that when it lands, it lands near and not on you, well you can hope anyway.
I have never been one to follow exact path, I just go over where the current takes me. I want a happy smooth life. 
There’s a strange comfort in knowing that I will never face anything that somebody else has already faced. But it begs a question, what do I never feel that way? Why do I never feel the comfort, why am I always tripped on the side of a cliff.
The most recent thing that I am facing in the road has everything to do between deciding to work and choosing to focus on my creativity. One pays and the other doesn’t and the problem is what field to choose, which bus should I take that can take me to that place where I get all the success I have even though of.
I can see the disbelief in your eyes guys, 
So let me stop you right there and let you know something, I will be embarrassingly honest right now in an admission of guilt, I am not able to choose what I am good at.

I have been miserable for most of my life because of this conflict. It is going so bad that I am still debating with myself regularly if I will ever actually be capable of managing life as an independent adult. I am not sure that I can, that I will ever be able to and I truly don’t understand how other people do it.
Let me give you an example, there was a kid who constantly messed around with his computer and naturally perused a career as a web developer. Or the child fascination for drawing that lead her the way of being a graphic designer.  But guess what? For most of us that does not happen. Most of us look at others choosing effortless career choices with desire, because we are still wondering what we want to be when we grow up. Or we have already grown up (me in particular).
When I ask for help, people give me bucket full of Gyaan (don’t get offended anyone), and say “Do what you LIKE”. What if I don’t know what I like. Most people wonder around to find when they really want to do with their working life.
I don’t want to F*CK up my life, doing nothing and then becoming a housewife. I want to be able to take care of myself.
I just know this is not working, whatever this is!!

I am not perfect, nobody is. I am just trying my best, trying to figure out the most positive thing. I can contribute while I am alive. Getting out of bed at 8:44 and facing another day is not gonna work. 


I want to do it all.. I also want to do absolutely nothing!!

I am still discovering who I am, but at twenty I still have plenty of time for discovering, don’t you think?

Blogging is that passion that lit a spark on that dream of mine which made a place where I could share myself with others but sooner or later I realized that my real dream was helping others be heard by lending them a voice. Discipline is the art which I want to master. I feel myself like a Taxi Driver who is completely absurd regarding her destination yet retaining my “INNOCENCE”.